


the long and short of it

by Diary



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Bechdel Test Fail, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Established Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Introspection, Love, M/M, POV Bisexual Character, POV Male Character, POV Robert Sugden, Romance, Scars, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-27 00:11:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8379856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: Robert's thoughts on Aaron's scars, their engagement, and his love for Aaron. Complete.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Emmerdale.

The first time he saw the scars, he felt a sense of pity for Aaron and anger at everyone and everything that drove him to such acts.

(Continually keeping Aaron on the hook while knowing Aaron wanted him and going back to Chrissie, though, he refused to classify as the same.)

He touched them, and Aaron didn’t flinch away but was tense and refused to let him kiss or lick at them.

Slowly, he was allowed to.

Just ask anyone, though, he really shouldn’t be allowed to have things, because, when he does, no matter how hard he tries not to, Robert Sugden can be counted on to destroy what he wanted.

This is why he relentlessly created new inner scars Aaron’s in brain and, worse, on his heart in the scrapyard and why he refused to kiss Aaron on the park bench.

Then, Aaron wanted to be touched by him again, not because sex could be a pleasant, much safer coping mechanism than his others but because he wanted Robert and might not have trusted him completely but was willing to work on rebuilding trust.

He was allowed to touch them, again, and in some ways, Aaron’s simple resignation was worse than the tenseness and averted eyes.

Of course, he wishes Aaron had never been hurt by life and people, but he doesn’t particularly care about the scars themselves. People get physically hurt or sick, and sometimes, a scar is left on the skin, but the experience doesn’t metaphorically leave one in the brain or on the heart. Or, more literally, it doesn’t cause continual psychological damage.

(Lawrence’s torture in prison left no physical scars, but there were plenty of psychological, and Robert alternated between wanting to protect him from more and angrily inflicting more. Now with Andy in the mix, he can never do the former anymore.)

The difference is, people in the above category might have been stupid, careless, outright reckless, or simply stubborn, but they didn’t make the decision they needed or wanted to hurt themselves and go against ingrained instincts of self-preservation and avoiding pain to do so.

He knows the scars will never disappear, and it’s unlikely they’ll ever significantly fade. He just wants to expose all the places Aaron’s skin has felt and suffered pain to gentleness. If he does it enough, there’s a possibility the inner scars might feel the gentleness, too.

Whether he’s allowed to blame Ryan or not, he’s blaming Charity for-

Aaron had led him into the shower and been more comfortable than he’d possibly ever been with Robert seeing and running his hands over the scars. Even with the continuing interruptions, Aaron wanted to properly live with him.

(His first instinct was to say yes, but thoughts of Liv were running through his head, and he knew, for her sake, it’d be better for theirs to wait.)

It took time, but Chas stopped hating him, Liv decided he was good enough for her brother, and Aaron made it clear he wanted him around for the rest of their lives.

The night before he planned to propose (along with the early morning of the day), Aaron alternated between hungry for his touch and sleepily nuzzling into it.

He took this as a good sign.

Afterwards, it might’ve come off as mostly a joke, but if he had to drag Chas and Liv in and track down this one nurse who heard the three of them talking outside Aaron’s room about Aaron accepting the proposal, he would. He _did_ have witnesses.

Instead, he gently touched the reminder of how close Aaron once came to dying, and Aaron didn’t flinch, tense, or make any faces. He just looked at Robert with the same love Robert felt for him.

It hit him, then, Aaron was the opposite of hard to love. Soon after he met Aaron, he easily fell into loving him, and every time he tried not to, the problems only got worse. He wouldn’t have brought up the lodge, not at such a time, but he realised his words back there were wrong: His mistake was, for once, not taking what he wanted and holding on tightly to it.

“Yes, I will, of course, I will,” he said, and after they kissed, he stole another one and put all the soft love and happiness bubbling inside him into it.

Slid on his finger, the ring made him feel connected but not tethered, airy and grounded at the same time, and he knew he’d still occasionally mess up, and so would Aaron, but from now on-

He’s learned how to love gently and kindly, and he’s going to strive to keep doing so for the rest of their lives.  


End file.
